For the next fortnight, The Lyre declares a Christmas Truce. We had hoped, in fact, to bring you Mrs. Nostradamus' magical poem on that subject, only to discover that our copyright had expired. Disappointed readers can obtain a special gift edition of The Christmas Truism, complete with thought-provoking illustrations, here.
We leave you instead with a cryptic communiqué we found on the desk of our sub-editor, Ron Paste (pictured above, and last seen photocopying Kenneth Goldsmith's Day at the office party).
The text -- which appears to be taken from a local newspaper -- was left on a pile of poets' obituaries and small press pamphlets from the last year. The title has been scribbled over something about an 'industrial estate distillery'.
The Lyre wishes all our readers a merry Christmas.
That's the Spirit
The main distinctive marks
by which the spirit can be identified
include that the duty stamp is not
fluorescent under UV light,
the barcode 0123456789
is not a valid bar code,
there is no spirit manufacturer's
lot number on the bottle
and no name and address
of the manufacturer on the label
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